Love hurts differently and more profoundly than anything else. When your heart gets shredded to pieces and you find the confidence to put it back together that’s where you find your strength.
I can remember a time when I thought I couldn’t live without a certain someone, I thought that slaving in a plant for 10 hours 4 days a week was the only way to provide for my family and I doubted that another door would open after another door had closed. It was also that roll over car accident that was supposed to have killed me and totaled my brand new 2019 Dodge Journey leaving me without transportation and how about the fact that I still hadn’t grieved properly from the passing of my grandmother and grandfather in 2017. My anxiety and depression were at an all-time high, it felt like the “Bad” switch was on repeat in my head and I didn’t know how to turn it off.
Have you ever been there?
So many of us struggle with moving forward in life because all we can think about is what were leaving behind us causing blurred vision to the opportunities God has planned for our future. Often times we don’t realize that the very thing were holding on to is causing more damage then simply letting go. Through my own journey of restoring my identity, rebuilding my confidence and constantly renewing my mind I found the good in goodbye and I want to support others through their process as well.
You wanted them to stay. They left. You deserved that promotion. The promoted someone else. The dream of owning your own business isn’t looking so good, it’s all okay. Whatever it is your struggling with here’s how I find the good in goodbye.
G- Go into Solitude
I know you’ve all heard the very popular quote elevation requires separation. It’s so easy to lose yourself in a world that is so nosey, everyone is telling you what is or isn’t appropriate for your life. You will get lost. During some of the darkest moments in life I was alone, so I thought, and I hated that empty feeling inside. I allowed others to validated who I was so I dealt with my anxiety and depression alone completely terrified of what was happening around me.
When I changed my perceptive on solitude and spent time healing me from the inside out, I realized that the only person who didn’t show up for me was me. My friends and family were there but I couldn’t see past my own imperfections.
Solitude created a place for me to develop the person that I needed for me. Now I know what you’re thinking and no I didn’t sit in a dark room on the floor rocking back and forth like a crazy person, but I have before- that broken girl did that all the time. Now this healing queen needs her solitude. I need the time to reconnect with myself. In solitude I prayed all the time. I connected with God and mediated on his word- our private time together. Wouldn’t you like to be able to close your eyes, open your ears and your heart and allow him to order your next steps. It’s okay to seek advice from family and friends but honestly were all fighting some kind of demon and even though our demons are different were still fighting the same battle. The battle of healing from the things were not discussing but solitude allows you to discuss any and everything because it’s just the two of you.
O- Open Your Mind
It’s time to break generational curses. It’s time to create new cycles so that our children and their children are better mentally equipped to handle all of life’s unfortunate short comings. Think about how we view relationships, so many people haven’t smiled in six years because they are holding onto a person solely because of time and history. I don’t want my seven-year-old son to think that’s what love is. What about career choices? You’ve dedicated twenty-five years to that job you hate because society told you it’s too late to start over. Now that I think about it- it really sucks that we shut ourselves down like that when God has given us each the power to be whatever it is that we want to be regardless of any limitations.
We limit ourselves first because were simply afraid of change and second because we don’t have an open mind. There was a time where I had been stripped of everything and I mean everything, so I thought. One day I opened my mind and I saw a road full of endless opportunities, I saw that God had given me a chance to re-write my story with him included this time and that road has been endless for me ever since.
O- Organize Your Thoughts
What good is it to have an open mind if your thoughts are all over the place. Seriously, what good is anything without structure and a plan. During my time in solitude I enjoy journaling. In Habakkuk 2:2 the bible says, “And the Lord answered me, and said write the vision and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it”.
I got frustrated in the journey to restore my identity. I couldn’t figure out how I had learned to appreciate solitude, be open minded and still be stuck. The answer was simple, I wasn’t organized. I thought for some odd reason that I would remember everything, and my brain wouldn’t get overwhelmed and shut down creating that broken girl to want to sit on the floor and rock, but I couldn’t do that anymore, I am a queen now remember.
So, journaling and vision boards helped me put things into perceptive and made my dreams and goals real and attainable. It’s something about being able to see where you were and see where your headed that gives you that extra push you need to make it through.
D- Declare Victory
You Made it. You Won! You lost so much along the way but so many new chapters have started and maybe you’ve realized this and maybe you haven’t but so what we are celebrating anyway. I had to learn to celebrate the small victories because those are the ones that are most important. Your expected to crush the big stuff, right? But when I fold those baskets of clothes after two days instead of two weeks, I feel like I am killing the game and I deserve ice cream and so do you. Today was a good day but tomorrow might not be so bright and it’s important to celebrate when you notice yourself breaking down barriers and renewing your mind.
Life is a constant battle we know this because I’ve said it but appreciating the good and the bad helps you realize how dope you truly are. You’ll see all those goodbyes and finally smile because without them you might not have ever said hello to the real you.
Hello Beautiful. I see you.
Remember it’s never too late to put in the necessary work to heal.
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Your Identity Coach,
Jazmyne Dennice ©